Cullen Shorts
by fantasyfan7
Summary: Little one shots of the Cullens and Bella. Rated t just in case. I don't own Twilight!
1. Change Her

Edward's POV

"Edward please change her!" screeched Alice while jumping up and down in circles

"Dude, just do it!" This was obviously said by king of the idiots, aka Emmett.

"Please Edward." Pleaded my angel, Bella.

Esme and Rose lead a courus of, "Edward, do it before it's too late! I'd do it if I could, but I can't!"

"Edward, just do it! It's driving me nuts!" Was Jasper's part, the part that finally craked my resolve.

"All right, all right I'll do it!" I shouted, "Bella, had me a diper and wipes."

_Jeesh. I can't beleve that out of the six vampires and one human in the room, I'm the only one that knows how to change a baby's diper._ I thought as I started my horrible task. _Why dose Carsliel have to be at the hospital today._

"Thanks Edward." Said Bella, taking the child back from me. "That's it," she muttered under her breath, "I don't care _how_ many times Jess promises to get Mike, Tyler, and Eric off my back, I'm not watching her baby sister ever again!"

This got a laugh from every one, except Jasper, how had run off far away to destroy the toxic waste.

**An: Haha! Not what you where expecting, was it? I thought of this while I was helping change my baby brother a couple days ago. Yah it's short but….**

**DEAL WITH IT! ****(little voice in your head: "IN THERAPY!!!")**


	2. Aliens

**An: Hi! Just read.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight ect.**

Edward's PoV

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"

I jump about four feet in the air as Bella and Emmet came running through the front door. Bella ran over to me, hopped into my arms, and started to suck on her thumb. Emmett ran to the corner and followed suit. All of this, especially the thumb thing, had me startled. I knew that Alice's insistence that Bella spend some bonding time with each member of the family, if they didn't mind, was a bad idea. Jasper had declined for his own reasons, but everyone else had agreed, even Rose after a while. Today, she was her final day of bonding, and it was with Emmett and judging by their arrival, thing hadn't gone too well.

"Bella! Are you OK? What happened?"

Bella pulled her thumb out of her mouth, whispered:

"Aliens!"

And went back to her thumb.

Aliens? What on earth? Or, I guess, what off of earth?

"Bella, I want you to calm down and tell me exactly what happened," I told her as I, in her words, "dazzled" her to calm her down since Jasper was out hunting.

"Emmett and I were sitting at my house, plotting the destruction of Wal-mart, I mean playing go fish, when we looked out the window and saw this really scary looking purple thing with giant eyes and huge wings like some freak fly. I was scared and apparently Emmett has a phobia of freaky purple flies with giant eyes, so we, actually Emmett, ran all the way back here."

"Okay, I think we should go back to your house and check this out, are you ok with that?"

"Alright."

A few minutes later, Bella and I arrived at her house to search for the aliens. We had tried to convince Emmett to come, but he flat out refused, even when I called him a chicken.

We walked around her house, then we into the woods behind her house to search.

We were about 500 feet into the forest, when I started to hear laughter. I picked Bella up and ran towards the source of the noise. When we got there, we saw Alice and Rosalie rolling around on the ground next to a discarded fly suit, giant fly eye goggles, and a huge jar of purple paint. When they saw us, they stopped laughing and looked slightly crest fallen that their prank had been found out.

Bella jumped off my back indignantly and shouted,

"Alice, Rosalie, you're the aliens?"

Alice pointed to Rosalie and said, "Well, actually, she was the alien. I just helped."

Rose glared at Alice and retorted with,"Yeah but it was your idea."

Bella's PoV

I was steamed. I was really STEAMED. I could see Rosalie doing that to me, but why would Alice?

"Why did you guys scare Emmett and me like that like that?"

They squirmed a tad and then Alice told me, "We," Rose glared at her," Fine I wanted to get you back for run off to see the dogs when you were supposed to go shopping with me."

"Yeah and getting Emmet was why I helped her."

Their explanations made me feel fine with Rosalie, but I'm still mad at Alice and I think I've almost got a perfect plan.

Alice's PoV

While we were running back to the house, I got a vision of Bella giving me a new shampoo and then one of me with bright neon orange hair.

I smirked. Did she think I wouldn't see that? Well now I know not to take shampoo for her.

Bella's Pov

When we arrived back at the Cullen's, I put my plan into action.

"I'm going to tell Emmet who the aliens are," I told Edward, while glaring pointedly at Alice, "I'll be back in a minute."

I walked up to Rose and Emmett's room. Emmet was there, smashing aliens on his Wii. He turned around when I walked in.

"Did you find the aliens?"

"Yes we did, and guess who they were."

Emmett scratched his head, and then asked, "Esme?"

I gave him a weird look.

"What? She might have been getting pay back for when I blew up the toaster, which I didn't know why we even had one, no one but you eats toast around here."

I was temped to ask but, decided not to. You could never know with Emmett and more often thank not, you didn't want to.

"Actually, it was Alice and Rose."

Emmett's eyes got really wide and only Jasper could have said whether he was upset or just really mad.

"Why?"

I shrugged. "Revenge on me for ditching shopping and wanting to make fun of you. But I have a plan for revenge on them and I'll need your help."

His eyes gleamed

"Oh you will? Do tell do tell."

"Okay." I leaned over and whispered the plan in his ear. When I finished, he looked at me with admiring eyes.

"Whoa. Good one. Sure I'm in."

"Good. I was going to get groceries and I'll get the stuff while I'm there."

"Ohhhh, can I come?"

"NO!!!!" I shuddered, remembering previous trips to stores with Emmett.

"Fine," he pouted.

"Okay, come by my house at five and I'll give you what you need."

Emmett saluted me and said,"Aye, aye chief."

-----Next Day----- aproamently 3:47 am (Emmett Pov)

I had picked up my supplies from Bella the night before and had set the trap. Alice would never know what hit her…

Bella's PoV

Edward woke me up at 8:00 and I got ready to go. I had informed Edward of my prank on the way back to my house last night and he had laughed his head off. Now he drove me to his house and we got inside just in time for us to hear Alice say, "I'm going to go take a shower."

I smirked in my head. Time for the final stage.

"Here Alice," I said while pulling a shampoo bottle from behind my back, "got this for you to try if you want."

Alice's pov

The "me with orange hair" vision appeared again and I smiled inwardly.

"No thanks Bella. Maybe some other time."

Bella looked slightly crest fallen, but I didn't really care. My hair was safe.

I turned and ran up the stair, rather pleased with my self.

Bella's pov

As Alice ran up and I heard the shower turn on. _Perfect_ I thought. Then I prepared to wait.

Ten minute later, the water stopped and two seconds after that, there was a scream.

The next second, Alice in all her flaming red headed glory, appeared before me.

"But- I- how- Didn't- Shampoo- Vision Ergh!" Alice Screamed while gesturing to her hair

I couldn't help it. I started to crack up and was soon joined by the rest of Cullens.

"Sorry Alice, but I needed pay back and this was perfect."

"B-B-ut how? I didn't- the shampoo."

"Last night, I gave Emmett the orange dye and he mixed it in to your shampoo and this bottle I brought was just a decoy that I figured you would see in a vision."

Alice started to hit her self on the head for falling for my prank back. It took nearly fifteen minutes to calm her down even with Jasper's help.

"Please tell me it will wash out. My hair doesn't grow out any more."

I smiled.

"Of course it will wash out, Alice"

Alice sighed with relief.

"In six to eight weeks."

Emmett picked me up and we ran out the door, cackling like a mad people as Alice's eye's started to get huge with terror.

When we reached the end of the drive way, Emmett and I called back, "That's for the aliens!"

**An: He he! Alice is now Victoria's twin! It's the perfect pay back. Sorry it took so long to write more, I'm just slow. See yah yam buddies! Free imaginary orange dye if you review.**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: This is just a list of things that if you ever hear Twilight people say them it won't make any sense. I was just really bored and hyper. I think I might have been given a soda ;- Oh and if some one had this idea first, I'm hyper sorry. I'm still pretty sure this is all my idea.**

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own the rights to twilight. I have recently been told that the all mighty Stephanie Meyer does. But if I did it probably would have been so awful that people would use the copies for fires, so be happy Stephanie owns it. I'm happy to say I also don't own Barney!shudders**

Bella and the Cullens: Breath, Alice, breath!!!!

Emmet (or any other Cullen): I love roasted chicken! (A/n: author: So do I!)

Edward: I hate running.

Emmet: It's too heavy.

Rosalie: I look horrible.

Bella: Jacob is sooooo much better than Edward.

Jasper: I don't understand how you're feeling.

Rosalie: I love Bella so much!!!!

The Voltorie: We've decided to join the Cullen's and be vegetarians!

Bella: I wish Edward would just leave and never come back!

Alice: Makeovers are so stupid.

Edward (to anyone but Bella): It's not like I can read your mind.

Edward: Bella, you smell terrible.

Jacob: I LOVE EDWARD!!!

Mike: I've decided to stop chasing after Bella.

Jacob and Edward together: I love you, you love me, we're a happy family. With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you, won't you say you love me too!

Billy: I LOVE THE CULLENS!!

Jacob: Bella should marry Edward.


End file.
